InsaneJournal

(016) Sunday, 4 April 1980
[Warded to Father]

C'était bon de te voir aujourd'hui pour la fête des cloches, Papa. I didn't talk about it at lunch because I didn't want to darken the mood, it's down enough as it is these days, but Ida's sister was attacked by vampires the other night. It's too much to the same family, I don't know what to say to her, how to help. And it made me think of Amalie and you and how much danger you already are in. And I just- Please be careful? I mean, I know that you already are, but please be extra careful.

How's your sister? And you, Ida love, how are you?

Have you seen Ida? Do you know how she's holding on?

And you, how are you?

The Watkins have been through enough already. Through too much. I feel so helpless, trying to be there for Ida and just... what do you do in a time like this? This war is just getting grittier and grittier by the day and it never seems to get better. Between Death Eaters and werewolves and vampires and Father being an informant for the DMLE, it's hard to keep on going and not let fear rule everything. Work is the one constant, the one thing that's good and where I feel I'm in control, and now with what she wrote-

What to do about it? Felicity had told me that she thought that Lexi fancied me and I didn't want to give it too much thought. And she was right. And now I'm feeling like a right fool for refusing to acknowledge it, and for offering Lexi to run with me every morning, and she must have seen that as encouraging her and it's not what I meant with it, but-

Oh for Merlin's sake who am I fooling? I wanted to know her better. Admit it, Paul Zeller. She is fit and eager and friendly and when Fee said that I didn't want to believe it, but after seeing how Mina doesn't look at me as anything more than a friend - and that's another thing that Felicity was right about, damnit - it just felt good to think back on this girl who might actually like me. Problem is, she's my employee.

And it's not fair to her to use her as an ego boost after Mina.

I wish I was better at this.

Tomorrow's morning run will be so awkward, Merlin. Maybe I should have cancelled it, when she asked, maybe it would have been nicer to her, but apparently I'm a right selfish jerk who still wants to go run with her.

Happy birthday, mate. There's a pint on me in your future. Name your day and place and it'll be yours. There might even be one of our dragon anatomy books for you in the deal, if I can get my hand on it by then. I was hoping to have it for you today, but it didn't work out, sorry. I'm still working on it, though.